I have been making efforts to connect with students who are prone to get in trouble at school, especially our African American boys. I start up conversations by asking them about how their families are and if I know their siblings, how they are. A few weeks ago, I mentioned to a 5th grade boy I have known since 2nd grade, “K, where do you live? I know your sister, C, when can I come to your house to meet your mom.”
He responded protectively, “Oh Mr. Lee you don’t want to come to my neighborhood. I live by Third Street and there’s shootin’ and gang signals. You don’t want to be coming into my neighborhood—it’d not be safe for you.”
“K, I think you’re just pulling my leg. I’m not afraid of visiting you.”
K is a charming, handsome boy with academic challenges and anger issues that flare up sometimes. But I like him and I want to connect with him in a way that is real and authentic so he knows there are people here at school that care about him.
Last Wednesday, I came into his room to follow up with another classmate of his. K was just outside the room and he tells me, “Mr. Lee, I want to meet your wife or girlfriend.” I recognized his reaching out to me.
“Oh K, I don’t have a wife or girlfriend. I live with my brother.” And he went inside.
I came in to observe briefly.
As I passed his desk, he asked me, “Why don’t you have a wife or girlfriend?”
“I just don’t.” I responded equivocally as I felt a bit uncomfortable.
“But don’t you want a girlfriend?”
“I just don’t play that game.” I said.
“You don’t like girls?”
“No I don’t.” I stated matter of factly as he looked off in a corner of the room and processed my response.
I chickened out in not being upfront with K in outing myself as gay because of presumptions of homophobia and fear of victimization. Regardless I owe K honesty for his sincere efforts to get to know the people I love. K was demonstrating that he cares about me.
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