i blinked

I have been making efforts to connect with students who are prone to get in trouble at school, especially our African American boys. I start up conversations by asking them about how their families are and if I know their siblings, how they are. A few weeks ago, I mentioned to a 5^th grade boy I have known since 2^nd grade, “K, where do you live? I know your sister, C, when can I come to your house to meet your mom.”

He responded protectively, “Oh Mr. Lee you don’t want to come to my neighborhood. I live by Third Street and there’s shootin’ and gang signals. You don’t want to be coming into my neighborhood—it’d not be safe for you.”

“K, I think you’re just pulling my leg. I’m not afraid of visiting you.”

K is a charming, handsome boy with academic challenges and anger issues that flare up sometimes. But I like him and I want to connect with him in a way that is real and authentic so he knows there are people here at school that care about him.

Last Wednesday, I came into his room to follow up with another classmate of his. K was just outside the room and he tells me, “Mr. Lee, I want to meet your wife or girlfriend.” I recognized his reaching out to me.

“Oh K, I don’t have a wife or girlfriend. I live with my brother.” And he went inside.

I came in to observe briefly.

As I passed his desk, he asked me, “Why don’t you have a wife or girlfriend?”

“I just don’t.” I responded equivocally as I felt a bit uncomfortable.

“But don’t you want a girlfriend?”

“I just don’t play that game.” I said.

“You don’t like girls?”

“No I don’t.” I stated matter of factly as he looked off in a corner of the room and processed my response.

I chickened out in not being upfront with K in outing myself as gay because of presumptions of homophobia and fear of victimization. Regardless I owe K honesty for his sincere efforts to get to know the people I love. K was demonstrating that he cares about me.

Is it that Uranus and Saturn are misaligned?

Last week, I had to take care of a discipline problem at school between three children whom I kept after school. At the end of the session I took the students to their after-school locales, one which was a child I had to drive to a school for his mother to pick him up.

As we were walking across Precita Park, a loose dog came toward us. The 10 year-old boy ran from me which triggered the dog to chase him. I called to the student but to no avail. He ran into the street. I caught up to him and walked him to the sidewalk. It was then I realized that the dog had frightened him. The fifth grader shook off my hand, as he didn’t want me to hold his hand.

Although there are clearly posted signs stating that the Park is available to dogs as long as they remain on leash and pick up after their dogs, there were at least two dogs off leash. I went up to one of the owners who was with another dog owner with some five leashed dogs. I reminded them that Precita Park is an on-leash dog park. One of the dog owners slipped away but the dog owner with the five dogs stood his ground against my declarations, “Well sometimes the dogs are going to be off leash.” He was simply ignoring what was clear to both of us. I explained, “Children use the park and many of them are scared of them. Just now, as I was walking a child, he got scared by the dog and ran into the street.” The dog owner was having none of it, “There is a fenced off area where children can go,” indicating the east end of the park. I restated by position: “Listen, I simply came to state that this Park is listed as an on-leash park only.” “Well I heard you and I am going to tell you that dogs will be off leash.” I walked away, calm but frustrated, knowing I had to take this child home.

When I arrived at Charles Drew Elementary, there was a traffic jam along the narrow streets so I parked away from the entrance and walked the student to the school. As we walked down along the sidewalk, an apparently frustrated gentleman decided to drive up on the sidewalk to avert the traffic.

On Friday, I stopped at Safeway to buy a couple of items. When I came to stand in line, the man at the conveyer belt was glaring at two Safeway workers behind me. They demanded, “What are you staring at?” The man responded, “I am staring at YOU! If you don’t want me to stare at you, don’t stare at me.” They defended themselves: “You are the one staring at us.” And he continued, “Keep staring at me you fools because I am going to win. I am the customer here and you are here for customer service. I have to put up with this broad (indicating the woman in front of me) and now I have to deal with you. That’s why I hate coming here.” What a way to start a Friday. The woman in front of me stared blankly ahead and said nothing, not approaching the conveyor belt as the man’s groceries were bagged. This created a tangible empty space between him and the rest of us. But the gap was actually the atrocious behavior he was displaying and what is normatively acceptable.

What is going on in the world? Why the craziness? God grant me the wisdom and calm to navigate through these turbulent times.