The end of an era

 

The end of an era

On Wednesday, May 22, I had our last staff meeting of the year—for me the last staff meeting ever. I had planned it as a celebratory end of the year: review of end of year duties, announcement of transitions and new staff, soliciting of volunteers for committees for next year, a space for community schools and field day. It closed with an EOY share out—participants were asked to share a word that defined the year and express gratitude for anyone there. As appreciations were mentioned I realized that this was the last time this was happening and I wanted to be here with this crew one last time and partake of the flautas that had been ordered. I realized that I had to prioritize saying goodbye over the standing meeting I had scheduled right after.

 

And with 6 days of instruction left, I am looking forward to my retirement with anticipation and grief which have noticed in the past few months. The anticipation is heighted especially when I have to deal with a problem—a coverage for a class, frustration with the glacial speed of Central Office Departments, solving budget issues, sheer exhaustion, failure on deliverables or sheer exhaustion—"this is the last time I have to deal with this" I tell myself. 

 

But beneath the stress and exhaustion, there is grief. Being an educator has been part of my entire adult identity—37 years—it has provided me with purpose and meaning. It has also provided me with a social outlet than my introverted nature does not necessarily incline to. I have been blessed to have had a pretty good run in education. And now that chapter is closing and I need to close up the last loose ends—it is as if I am on my death bed trying to leave directives for when I am gone.

 

I realize that I have to let go. Longfellow will thrive and do well without me. It will not fall apart. I look forward to unstructured time and not being sleep deprived, but I also know that a part of me will die. And this is what I grieve. The loss of the delight and beauty of being an educator, to be privilege to witness growth, ah-ha moments and occasions of joy and laughter. I expect and hope to be transformed to something else. I will find time to make art, travel, sleep, be with people and find meaning in other ways.

 

My hat is in the ring: Principal

“Remember where you came from.” Approach the job with a great sense of humility and don’t ask from persons things they cannot give you.  –Teresa

Sept 2009

I have had a difficult week. I have never seen it this bad: Six teachers are in survival mode, as is the principal. The pressing issue is discipline. It is only the 4^th week of school and we are having serious issues: 2 false fire alarms I two days, 7 suspensions in the last week. We especially have not been connecting to our African American students who make up 18% of the population but 90% of the discipline issues. I have been in several classrooms where competent engaging teachers are having difficulties—they feel they are not effective and I feel I am not effective.

Drew says I need to leave this position and “not be a social worker but teach”

If you don’t know something, ask. --Kathleen

October 2009

At Teachers for Social Justice, a recurring pronouncement made was “if you can’t teach children of color, then please leave and let someone else do the job.”

When you start observing teachers, go in with nothing—no computer, no clipboard, etc. Establish relationships. --Dina

February 2010

On Tuesday, I had S stay after school fo bench time he owed for last week and that day. I unfortunately had had negative interactions with ho on the basketball court as I had him play with D. He questioned why this was and I responded, “I need to keep you away from everyone.” When it should have only bee nthe 3 boys with whom he had been suspended.

When I came to pick him up, he refused to come. He stayed hin his room. I began to work there and help sunny paint, with which S wanted to participate. I wanted to talk with him, but he refuse. I finally call his mother and he followed me to my room. He said he hated me. I have never felt hate that way. I know students express frustration to me but I had never experienced hate. He did stay with me short of the 40 minutes but I realized that while I had won the battle, I was losing the war. The objective of benching the child wasn’t so he’d hate me but to have thim change his behavior and I was losing miserably.

Ask for a coach, a veteran principal you can learn from. –Peter

December 2010

I decided to apply to the PLI. I realize that I need to grow in my capacity as a professional. Regardless, I do not want to be a Principal—yet I see the need for leadership. If not I, who? I see that it is now my generation’s turn to take the reins of leadership; we cannot rely on an older generation t continue the work of leading. It falls to the present generation. I must take up the call to serve and lead.

Make time for yourself.

If everyone is happy, you are doing something wrong. --Jennifer

August 2011

I must discern principalship or not. I don’t want it. But is it what God wants?

Or is it th voiced I hear inadvertently or on to be one. And if not Princpalship, hen what? If God wants me to be a principal, he will have to let me know.

Define your relationships with the staff separately from your principal. --Matt

May 2012

I  met with Dee Dee to ask her for guidance, “I’ve been a an IRF for 9 years and I am feeling it is time to make a change but I don’t know if being a Principal is it.”

Years ago a former Assistant Superintendent asked me to be a principal, “Do you know how many Latino principals there are in SFUSD?  I can count them on my hand.” I responded that if I became a Principal, I would not have time to do art. . I also didn’t want to be a principal so I could work on my personal life. But now I don’t do any commercial art and I am not seeing anyone; and just because I have someone does not mean he would be my balm.

So Dee Dee says to me, “ So you become a Principal, try it for a year. If you don’t like it, you don’t have to do it.” It is true. I can go back to the classroom. It is OK to fail.

Leadership is an action not a position. PD is a process not an event.  –E’leva

“Congratulations on your new job.”

“Thank you,” I respond. “ask me again in six months.”

Take time to establish your relationships. --Brent

Today was my first day as an administrator. People ask me, “Are you excited?” I respond that if I had won a $1,000,000, I would be excited. This is a job. I am looking forward to it.

Graduation from Cal

© heatherjeany.etsy.com, 2013

 I remember the ambivalence of applying and going into the Principal Leadership Institute at UC Berkeley. In retrospect, I flourished in the program. While I didn’t care for the great amounts of rigorous reading and writing, I loved learning and batting around the ideas with my colleagues. And now, after having run the Bay to Breakers, I was graduating. I could have had more of my family attend.

PLI closure

After 14 months of intense learning, bonding, changing and hoop-jumping our Principal Leadership Institute Cohort 12 comes to a close. I am still revising my LARP (thesis) but the end of the program is here. I am so grateful to the learning, the intensity and friendships I gained. I am a changed person. While I was not offered any of the administrative positions I applied and interviewed for, we shall see what the future holds.

I don’t know what the previous cohorts have been like. But this has been an amazing cohort. We are a transitional cohort: Lynda’s last cohort and Rebecca’s first. We got to know each other and bonded in the summer, worked exceedingly hard in the fall, LARPed (thesis writing) full time in the spring (and summer) and completed our internship this summer and LARPed some more. But we had D3 (our social committee) to remind us to have fun, and as we become effective social justice leaders we recall Emma Goldman’s admonition, “If I can’t dance, I don’t want to be a part of your revolution.”

We leave with the criteria of what a good school is, cognizance of the gods we serve and the gods we choose to serve, of the importance of identity, race, gender, sexual orientation, and religion in our role as leaders, how to have courageous conversations, recognize data as our friend, build our educational expertise, do research, prepare and cultivate our communities for change, and hold our schools together for the purposes greater than ourselves. For ultimately we carry on the legacy of our educator forebears for this present generation, that they too, when it is their time, will be women and men of courage, vision, and social justice.

A priest once told me, “if you want to be happy, be grateful.” So let me live in the house of gratitude in acknowledging the gift of what the PLI Cohort 12 has been. We have been a blessing to each other, our collaboration & our initiatives, our conversations and conflicts, our affect and our accomplishments, our venting and validations. You have my admiration, gratitude and love. 

A big thank you goes out to Rebecca, who helped us to see that data can be our friend. If I recall sometime in the Spring she had us graph our stress and it put the our lives in perspective.

She has been with us from the beginning and was a constant reminder not to give up hope. “Si se puede.” Thank you Rebecca, I hope you see our gratitude to you in the teachers we support when things get dark and desperate, “Si se puede.”

At our introductory session we were given a Rumi poem to ponder. So let me end with Rumi.

“The way of love is not 
a subtle argument. 



The door there
is devastation. 



Birds make great sky-circles 
of their freedom. 


How do they learn it? 



They fall, and falling, 
they're given wings.”

So let us fall in order to be given the wings we need.

© 2012 Hector Viveros Lee

Violeta's niece and Nelson

 I appreciate my family coming out to see me.

Last day of Korea Summer Writers Camp

6.8.2010

7:00 Wake

7:30 Prep

8:30 Breakfast

9:30- Teach

2:30 Reader’s Theatre Performance

4:30 Author’s Chair

5:30 Clean up

7:00 Gwanghamun with Helena

12:30 NIIED They had looked the doors and I wasn’t sure I would be able to get in.

Today was our last day with our students at the Young Writers Camp. It seemed that just when we got going, the term is over. For our last session together, we had our Author's Chair, where the students read their published work to their peers and get feedback.

Teacher Mimi and Group L

Teacher Eun Jeung and Group L

Min Soo and his final published book, Big Pig Day

Three Scary Stories by Edward

Almost all the students read. One student dramatized his story. While his English language development is limited, he was not shy about acting out his three small stories. The children loved it. I was charmed.

Helena invited me to her home for dinner for samgaetan, a traditional chicken stew. And for dessert we had watermelon and berry ice cream. It was special to be invited into a Korean home and share a meal, conversation and laughs.

Samgaetan, (chicken stew), a traditional Korean summer food.

© Hector Lee, 2010

bibimbap

Food street vendors in Hyehwa.

27.7.10

6:30 Wake

8:00 Breakfast

10:00 work

6:30 Insadon: bibimbop

Today was our first full day of teaching and what a long day it was. Perhaps I will acclimate to the back to back classes by the end of this week.

We also went to Insadon where we had some delicious bibimbop—white rice with seasoned vegetables, gochujang (chile paste), sliced meat and a raw egg. It was served in a very hot stone bowl and the ingredients are mixed before eating. Yummy.

While the portrait doesn't look like Elly--her attitude is accurate.

© Hector Lee, 2010

Day one of Korea Summer Writing Camp

Today was our first day of the UC Berkeley Summer Writing Camp in Korea.

The day started with a morning assembly in the auditorium. The students (grades 1-8) were adorable and rambunctious. But the scheduling and logistics seemed a bit chaotic.

From there the students gathered in their groups (letters A-L) of ten students each with their teacher assistants. Each of the TC (Teacher Consultants from BAWP) had two writing groups, which met for two writing sessions of about an hour each, one in the morning and one in the late afternoon. Each of my groups had 10 students, grades first to second (and later two third graders). The students seemed normal enough—boys who talked incessantly and girls that wouldn’t. My first impression initially is that all the students had some proficiency in English—but a few had a proficiency in English that was comparable to students in the US. Later I assessed that I had a few students who knew little if any English. Since I had the youngest students some switching was done so I had the youngest non-proficient students.

The experience has revealed who I am as a teacher. I need to feel the space, the qi, the feng shui as it were, I am to teach in. I need to prepare and order the classroom so I know the space I am to inhabit and teach in. I was fortunate that Mary had set aside a room for me to teach in. It was a simple room with conference style tables (at least they were not university desks) and chairs. No chalkboard or whiteboard. I moved the tables into two larger tables in the front of the room around which eight children could sit. And I made a space in the back of the room for Read Aloud and Authors’ Chair. Later a white board magically appeared. The rest of the furniture I shoved into one corner. Later the room would be used for the older students to watch movies after school.

I also need to have my materials in place. For writing I needed to have: pencils, post-its, loose leaf paper, erasers, markers, and a place to put the work (folders or a when-done box). But these materials were not necessarily in place by the time class started. I had to accept some level of uncertainty and chaos and believe that eventually everything would fall into place.

A third and important part aspect of my teaching is the planning, which I had largely done back in San Francisco—imagining the students I would have, what they could do and how I could teach them. My mental preparation came in reviewing the lessons I had, making some educated decisions about the first days’ activities. I think part of preparing the space, materials and mind is that they are what I had some control over and the most important element in teaching are the students, over which I have no control. But once I know the students, I am more at peace and can plan and prepare more precisely because I have a sense of who they are.

Start of the Summer Writing Camp seemed a bit chaotic but eventually scheduling and logistical problems were ironed out. I felt there needed to be a principal or head teacher for this—some one who helped over see the needs (lunch scheduling, transition times, discipline issues, play time and down time) so instruction can take place. We had some 120 students (the size of a small school). Carol, advocated for us TCs but there was a need for an instructional leader to make decisions.

Below was our daily schedule:

10:15-11:15 First Writing Group

11:30-12:30 Second Writing Group

12:30-1:15 Lunch

1:20-2:10 Art (group 1)

2:25-3:15 Art (group 2)

3:15-3:35 Break & Snack

3:35-4:25 First Writing Group

4:35-5:25 Second Writing Group

Mary teaching art to our combined classes.

Edward waiting for inspiration.

Jenny reading at Author's Chair.

The Korea Summer Writing Camp Faculty 2010

I am a morning person and the most difficult part of the day for me is the afternoon—I was spent by 5:30 even though I had wonderful students. Eventually the schedule worked for me. I would wake at 7:30 to shower and dress. Go to breakfast from 8:00 to 9:00 and then prep from 9:00 to 10:00. We were in Daehangno, near Hyehwa station, near many universities, but you were hard pressed to find anything open before 8:00 am. Those that were open were western style cafes: Paris Croissant, Lombardia, Tous Les Jours, where you could get pastries and coffee. I learned to relish my mornings to write, reflect, and sketch. Eventually I learned to prep from 8:00-8:30 and spend an hour and a half at breakfast which was precious as gold.

In search of bulgogui

Since the group of teachers I work with asked me to select a restaurant for the evening, I thought I would select one of the BBQ places I had seen the night before in my walk through the neighborhood. I had seen many restaurants where people were barbequing at their tables so I assumed they all served bulgogui (the signature dish of thin slices of marinated beef barbequed over hot coals). At the first restaurant around the corner, we flowed in. The menu was in Korean so I asked for bulgogui (beef) and dakgüi (chicken) but there was none. Only pork. So we ordered pork and a vegetable platter. The pork was steamed and it came with kim chi cabbage and a kim chi root--very good but not what I expected. There was a row of triple fat pork which is loved here, but to which we are unaccustomed. We had some but it was largely untouched. The vegetables (squash, mushrooms, greens, carrots and a bit of bulgogui) were cooked in a broth. It was very tasty. The whole meal was not the bolgugui I had hoped for but the meal was great nonetheless.

As Evan said, "It was not what we expected, but it was what it was." Good advice. It makes the experience much more enjoyable.

© Hector Lee, 2010

Korea Summer Writing Camp

Hyehwa at night

25.7.10

Wake

Breakfast

Old and Modern Korea walk

Jongjuk stop

Bosingak bell

River walk: Cheongye stream

Lunch

Cheongye Stream

Dongdaemon Market

Back to NIIED

Dinner

My fellow Teacher Consultants at Cheongye Stream: Page, Evan & Gillian.

Summer Writing Camp in Korea.

When I got an email from Carol, in April to see if I wanted to teach writing in Korea, I was intrigued. Having had a difficult school year, maybe this experience might affirm my abilities as a competent teacher. After some consulting and some thought, I decided to say yes.

Grace, a Korean businesswoman, spearheaded the writing camp, an opportunity for Korean children to experience schooling from US teachers. She contracted BAWP, Bay Area Writing Project, which is located in UC Berkeley to provide experienced teachers. Initially, it would be four teachers: Mary and Rod, who taught the previous summer, and Evan and myself. Since the number of interested students kept growing the cohort of teachers grew to six; we added Gillian and Page.

Preparation of the course was challenging as I gathered lessons and materials (books) that would be appropriate for instruction within a two-week window for students did not know in a culture I did not know. I gathered lessons that had worked with English Language Learners (Latinos) and mentor books that would demonstrate English writing.

We stayed in NIIED (National Institute for International Education), a university that provides educational opportunities for Koreans to study abroad and international students to study in Korea. The place of a few buildings was rented for the summer writing camp. We stayed dorms of one building. They were simple rooms with their own bathroom and shower. I also taught in the same building on the 5^th floor, which made it easy to prep my instructional day and gave quick access to lunch in the “restaurant,” also on the 5^th floor.

We were supported by Korean teachers who were on summer break, who saw this as an opportunity to learn about US teaching styles, and by teacher assistants, who helped supervise the children and stayed in the dorms on the second floor. My teacher assistants were pivotal to me as I had a few students who spoke no English. I expected that the students wrote in English, but how could they, if they did not even know the English alphabet. The teacher assistants became a liaison to help my students understand the activities in Korean and then they were provided scaffolded sentences in English. For example, the children could say their story in Korean and the teacher assistant would translate it into a simple English sentence on a piece of paper which the student would copy and later read. Eventually I designed my lessons to the needs of the students I had. The morning sessions were around a writing content or craft and the afternoon sessions provided language frames on which the students could write their stories.

© Hector Lee, 2010